When 4 went to Paris – trials and tribulations

Just back home after spending a week in Paris. I know I posted pictures and videos of all the positive and fabulous things we did as a family. But what I didn’t post was about how exhausting it was……especially with 2 children in tow. The never ending bickering between the two, my son who was constantly moaning at how bored he was. He was annoyed at having to que up to partake in any activity (such is the reality of how hectic Paris is).

Don’t let social media lie to you. Travelling with children is psychologically and emotionally tiring. No matter what you do to prepare yourself, or whatever strategies you have in place, you can be guaranteed they will come up with something sh*t to test your patience. Sometimes you even think maybe someone is pranking you, because you cannot fathom why this child would rather suffer heatstroke than take their thick hoodie off ( in 28°C Paris heat ) because they don’t like the sleeveless t-shirt underneath.

I won’t lie, I was really annoyed to hear they were bored. Here we are, one of the most beautiful cities in the world with a rich history and culture, and you want to tell me you are bored!!!!!!!! I would have done anything to have this opportunity at their age. When I was growing up, travelling out of Zimbabwe was I luxury I could never dream of.

After much reflection, I realised they can only appreciate what they can’t/don’t have. My children are lucky enough to travel to a foreign destination at least once a year, so for them it’s a reality of their lives. In fact, my son declared next year he wants to go and see the leaning tower of Pisa.

By the end of the trip, I realised they did actually take in information on the guided tours we went on. They even pointed out the oldest bridge in Paris, and they knew the names of all the ionic Paris structures/buildings that we visited. For the most part, they were good. It’s that 20% of the time where things get a little hairy and literally sucks the life out of you, albeit only for a few minutes.

But you get through it. It’s in that brief second your child comes and gives you a hug and kiss and says thank you for being the best parent. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is in this moment that you forget their negative behaviour and feel a sense of joy and accomplishment for being able to give them this experience.

Bottom line is, I cannot expect them to appreciate things I never had. Their reality is completely different to mine. To them, the world is literally their oyster.

New-Age Feminism

So a few weeks ago Amber Rose posted a picture of herself naked from the waist down,  in an effort to highlight feminism and also promote her campaign against slut shaming. I can get to grips with highlighting slut shaming, but feminism, really????? I am all for making informed decisions, so if someone can explain to me (use the comments section) how posting a picture of yourself baring your vagina to the world, advances women’s rights.

Feminism as defined by the oxford dictionary is, “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.” Women’s rights are defined as “rights that promote a position of legal and social equality of women with men.” Even after breaking down the word feminism and defining it, I am still struggling with how her being semi naked highlights feminism. She is not the first to pull this stunt, Kim Khardashian has also done the same and countless other social media queens.

For the regular Jane Bloggs like me, who have professions, it is difficult to maintain that professionalism, if your clients have seen pictures of you practically naked. The fact is, it would be hard for them and your employers to take you seriously. It is a distraction. Bad for business and in a cut throat world, it can slow career advancement. It can in fact, further endorse the view that some men would have of women being sex objects.

As an open minded person, I truly would like to know how these social media queens hope to stop women being viewed as sex objects.  Is this how new age feminism works? By bombarding social media with nude pictures, they hope to normalise nudity and thus equality for women? Even with that explanation, I still struggle to understand how nudity will promote equality for women.

Instead of nude pictures, why not do more work with Government Organisations or Non-Governmental Organisations for the advancement of real issues that the common woman faces on a day to day basis. Gender bias and domestic abuse are some of the issues that women all over the world still face that can be tackled and highlighted by the influence of these women.

Cut the apron strings off…

By now, most of you will have watched the excerpt of  Simon Sinek speaking about millennials in the workplace. I 100% agree with him.

I was born and raised in Zimbabwe, and moved to Ireland when I was 21. My husband is Irish but most of my parenting style is firmly rooted in the culture I was brought up in with a healthy dash of Irish culture. My work colleagues were gobsmacked when I told them my 9 year old daughter and 7 year old son make their own lunches for school. In my opinion, they are old enough and well able to handle this responsibility. How do we expect them to be responsible, if we do not allow them to be responsible?  I have heard of mothers accompanying their 20something old children to job interviews?????? Like seriously, cut the apron strings off! How do you expect their work colleagues to take them seriously, accompanied by their mother.

My upbringing was text book Zimbabwean. Children were seen and not heard, and my parents were firm believers of “spare the rod, spoil the child.”  When I reflect on my childhood, I realise that I grew up to be a well adjusted adult, able to handle rejection, distress and whatever else life throws at me. Some people look back on their childhood and comment on how they disliked the way they were brought up and proclaim they don’t want their children to feel the same emotional distress. But we forget distress tolerance is a life skill.

We want our children to feel good about themselves all the time. We go to our children’s school and fight for Johnny to have the staring role in the school play. The reality is,  Johnny was not good enough for that role at that time. Handling the distress of that rejection will make them psychologically stronger. We as parents need to accept that there are things our children are not good at. If they want something, it is them who need to put in the hard work to get what they want. Our role is not to fight their battles but to give them the skills to fight their own battles.

I am not saying I am the perfect parent and my children are perfect. All I can do is allow my children to gain life skills to help them adjust to adulthood and their careers. I cannot shelter them from every negative feeling, and I sure as hell am not going to give them everything they want. I will give them what they need. In a nutshell, I have basically turned into my own mother…..